Sorry, contains industrial language

[T.C.E]

Woman walks past a pet shop and sees a parrot for sale for £10.
She goes into the shop and says to the owner "Why is that parrot so cheap."
"It used to live in a brothel" the owner replied.
The woman found it funny so decided to buy it.

When she got home the parrot said " F*** me! New brothel".
The woman laughed and took it through to the living room.
Later that day her two daughters returned home from work and as they walked in the room the parrot said "F*** me! New girls"
The girls and their mum all laughed.
Later that evening the womens husband walked in.
"F*** me Keith! Long time no see" squawked the parrot.

[Heather]

[Sylvieliz]

[Caryll]

[sami]

Very good Ray!!

[T.C.E]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[T.C.E]

My mate's a insomniac, agnostic dyslexic.

He lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.

[T.C.E]

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started
swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we
go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me,
ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for
breakfast.

'Oh, s*** mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f****** Coco Pops'

[T.C.E]

Went into the chemist yesterday and saw some geezer looking very white and "holding" onto the wall. "Whats wrong with him" I sez. The chemist said "He came in for cough syrup, but we'd run out,so I gave him an entire box of laxitives". "Pratt", I sez, "You can't treat a cough with laxitives".

"of course you can" says the chemist, "Look at him now. He's afraid to cough".

[LOVEGSD]

: laugh: