Paddy & murphy

[maxandskye]

Paddy and Mick go to St Johns to donate sperm. It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.. Paddy ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"

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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts,

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"

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Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!


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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

[Grampac]

Those were just too funny!!!

[super D]

LMFAO Jenny

[Overlook]

Hehehehe so funny

[h.bradshaw]

the most politically incorrect jokes I,ve heard in ages.....

brilliant

[Tone C]

Racist.Heres my favourite one....


Murphy visits Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says to Murphy "Me feet are freezin mate, cud ye pop upstairs to get me slippers please?",

"Nae bother." says Murphy and off he goes.

Upstairs Paddy's 2 stunning 19 year old daughters are sitting in their bedroom,

" Hello dere girls," says Murphy "your dad sent me up here te shag both of ye!"

"F**k off Murphy ye liar" both of them say.

Murphy says "Orlright then girls, I'll prove it to ye."

He goes to the top of the stairs and shout down "Oi,Paddy,both of dem?"

Paddy replies "Of course, ye donkey!!!!!! whats the point in just feckin' one?"

[Sully Monster]

rofpmsl these are so funny I was chuckling to myself having to repeat them all to my hubby as I went along.

Cheers

[maxandskye]

Originally Posted by Tone C

Racist.Heres my favourite one....


Murphy visits Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says to Murphy "Me feet are freezin mate, cud ye pop upstairs to get me slippers please?",

"Nae bother." says Murphy and off he goes.

Upstairs Paddy's 2 stunning 19 year old daughters are sitting in their bedroom,

" Hello dere girls," says Murphy "your dad sent me up here te shag both of ye!"

"F**k off Murphy ye liar" both of them say.

Murphy says "Orlright then girls, I'll prove it to ye."

He goes to the top of the stairs and shout down "Oi,Paddy,both of dem?"

Paddy replies "Of course, ye donkey!!!!!! whats the point in just feckin' one?"

PMSL

[maxandskye]

Originally Posted by Sully Monster

rofpmsl these are so funny I was chuckling to myself having to repeat them all to my hubby as I went along.

Cheers

Tam, this came from my Great Aunty who is in her 70s !

[Sully Monster]

Originally Posted by maxandskye

Tam, this came from my Great Aunty who is in her 70s !

God bless your Great Auntie, nice to see ladies with a sence of humour